Today is Bring your Dog to Work Day in the Collegehumor office. In honor of the occasion, I’ve written what I think is the first comedy sketch for dogs. If you don’t get it, it’s because you’re not a dog!

EXT. BACKYARD - DAY

GEORGE, a handsome German shepherd, paces the yard. He goes from object to object, smelling. No one spot catches his interest. He’s enamored with experiencing the whole world. George is investigating a tree stump when MISS WOOFOWITZ, a buxom boxer-basset hound mix, approaches. She coyly smells the stump, but pretends not to notice him. He’s tentative.

GEORGE
Bark.

Miss Woofowitz ignores him. She acts as though her attention has been enveloped by the stump.

GEORGE
Bark. Bark. Bark.

Miss Woofowitz’s ears go erect. She stairs deep into George’s eyes.

GEORGE
Bark. Bark.

Miss Woofowitz is taken back. She didn’t expect such a direct response, such confidence. She composes herself. 

MISS WOOFOWITZ
Bark.

GEORGE
Bark. Bark.

MISS WOOFOWITZ
Bark. Bark.

GEORGE
Bark.

MISS WOOFOWITZ
Bark.

They stare each other down, then simultaneously lose interest. George discovers a tennis ball and licks it. His tongue is coated in the memories of the ball’s past. He tastes the grass of the lawn. He tastes the saliva of the other dogs that have held it. He tastes the skin flecks of his owner’s hand, left behind from nights spent throwing it. He tastes the cardboard and plastic package it was birthed from. The ball is as much round toy as it is a yearbook of flavors.

Miss Woofowitz shits.

END.